Positive thinking has been my number one goal each and every morning when I wake up lately. It’s easier said than done, however. I find it extremely difficult to watch someone you care about intentionally try to tear you down when all you want to do is move on. Being happy is something I’m used to. Most of the time, I’d say I’m overwhelmingly happy and content with my life. That’s probably why in the past week, and past few days in particular, have been so hard on me. I don’t cope with heartache and hurt well.
Yet, I know that these feelings I’m experiencing are only temporary. Hurt, heartache, tears, they’re only momentary. But self-acceptance and happiness are forever. Fortunately I’m at a point in my life where I have my entire life in front of me. So dwelling on the past wouldn’t really make sense when I have so much to look forward to. But again, that’s easier said than done. Especially since both relationships I’ve been in have ended pretty badly and have really hurt me.
Nevertheless, this week I’ve been practicing positive thinking and have been finding new ways to keep my mind busy. While it still hurts now, I know that in time it will be well worth it and probably come much more easily. Fortunately, I know that this won’t dictate how the rest of my life turns out.
While it probably differs from person to person, some of the things that I find most helpful are taking a hot shower before bed (for some reason this always calms me down), reassuring myself that I’m strong, reading my Bible, watching my favorite TV Shows over and over again (Friends and The Office), eating candy, doing puzzles like Sudoku (they’re really hard and take a long time for me so that keeps my mind of things for awhile), talking to my friends, and of course, thinking positivitly.
While I know that this feels like the end of the road for me now, I know that no one else can dictate my self-worth or my feelings. I look forward to the moment when I can look back on all of this and smile, realizing that it made me a strong and better person.