Dear Future Self (Confessions of a 20 Year Old)

Dear Future Self,

Right now, I am only 20 years old. But not for long. In 6 short months, it will be my birthday yet again, and I will be another year older. Although 6 months seems like a long time right now, I know that in the grand scheme of things it is not. A few years ago, I still thought turning 21 seemed like a lifetime away. Yet it’s my next birthday. Now I know that the next 10 years will fly by in the blink of an eye, and that terrifies me. But because you are in the future, you already know these things and are probably wishing you were this age again.

Knowing that I am nearly half way done with college also terrifies me. Was it not just yesterday that I was a wide-eyed freshman, saying goodbye to my parents as I moved into my dorm? And was it not that long ago that I was still in high school, counting down the days until graduation? It is hard to accept that this phase of my life will not last forever. Although right now, future self, you probably realize that college was a great time in your life, but great times still continue after graduation, it is just a different kind of pleasure.

People also like to tell me that I have my life very put together. Maybe at this moment I do, but when I think about the future, I sometimes do not have a single clue what I want out of it. When I was younger, I always assumed I would meet my future husband in college. After spending most of my college experience single, I have started to accept that there is a good chance I will not. I have also accepted that I will probably not be one of those women who gets married right after college with the white picket fence and the 2.5 children and a pet dog before they turn 30. Future self, you may actually be married with 2.5 children and a pet dog before 30. But you also might not be. You probably just wish you could tell the younger you that everything will work out how it is supposed to, no matter how cliche that is, and all the years being single paid off when you met the right guy.

Because you are the wiser, older me, you probably laugh thinking about all the fears you had as a 20-year-old (the ones I am currently experiencing). While life is confusing and frustrating at times, it is also exciting and meaningful, and without a doubt, it is always unexpected. See you in a few years, future me.

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